quotes

theres too much and nothing, you cant fill emptiness...emptiness fills you

the destination is the journey itself

its funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the little pieces...

Waiting for words to string me a song
To take me to a world where I finally belong
No matter what I seek, the answers I will find
When finally the bond will break between soul and mind

And my soul will fly, to distances unknown
Where truths shall unfold
And my tears will fill the holes
Making me complete and whole

And ill know the answers to lifes questions
Have all that is essential
My heart healed, my soul warmed
My life on track, my emotions calm

And like the raindrops love will shower
Not caring for the day or the hour
And in it I’ll soak myself complete
And slowly the pain will deplete

Again I will write the song of my heart
And it won’t be a scribble, but a piece of art
But until then let my words write my songs
Because comfort is what I need;
Because comfort is what I long …

way back into love...

why is it that life tests you even when u have declared defeat?
why is it that everytime you pick yourself up someone u thought u could lean on pushes u down?
why is that when you look back and hope to find everyone standing rt behind u, u find urself standing there..alone and very scared.

it doesnt matter if its a natural calamity or a broken heart. the fact is that it hurts. a lot. and even though no one will see why, you do.

so with these thoughts floating around my head, i looked for something that makes sense. and i sat down to do what i do best, rant my grief on paper. yet even words seemed to betray me today and then i heard a song. it seemed that the writer wrote what i needed to say.

ive been living with a shadow over head
ive been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
ive been lonely for so long
trapped in the past, i just cant seem to move on

ive been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just incase i ever need them again someday
ive been setting aside time, to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

all i want to do is find a way back into love
i cant make it through without a way back into love

ive been looking for soemone to shed some light
not just somebody to get me through the night
i could use some direction, and im open to your suggestions

all i want to do is find a way back into love
i cant make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart again
i guess im hoping you'll be there for me in the end

there are moments when i dont know if its real
or if anybody feels the way i feel
i need inspiration, not just another negotiation

all i want to do is find a way back into love
i cant make it through without a way back into love
and if i open my heart to you
im hoping you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that i'll be there for you in the end

(music and lyrics)

memories

This poem is for Meenakshi and Bhavin with whom i shared this amazing trip. with a flashback of old times to the last few days adding to the list of memories, this was my ode to our friendship. it may not make sense to anyone other than the few of us who know all the inside jokes but its part of our relationships history and thats why it needed to be put here!



so used to we are
of freinds going astray
used to we got
of keeping people at bay
but friendship we craved
true and free of pretense
so together me and meenakshi
left for leicester
not holding back for logic or sense

on the way to meet Bhavin
Who's been with us through it all
helping us stand
whenever we were close to fall

seeing him from a distance
we ran towards the love
we knew we'll give and get
and that's why we met

over jokes and remebrance
we glowed in the warmth
old jokes and new ones
emotions ran high as we talked
from Mc donald's to shopping
we drifted through it all

back to work it was for Bhavin
to change in circumstances we had to bow
but time flew and together we were again
holding our cups of coffee
the steam coming from our ears
we talked and bitched about the changes in times
comparing it to the past
the topics were so vast
clicking pictures of time we could not control
hoping with our delay
these fleeting moments we could hold

for food we left, pregnant it seems meenakshi was
with Bhavin and his wives
and me with my flower
giggling about nothing and yet laughter came with ease
Makadman and splats
we needed ice cream indeed!

but time ran and so did we
as the reception threatened to close
but between huffs and puffs and meenakshis screams
we reached the hotel of doom

scared we begged makadman for his company
which ended in a mutiny
pilllos were torn, vases threatened to break
meenakshis cold was raging
secrets unfolding
and morning came only too soon

another day of fun
of we went to meet bhavin
where beakfast waited and then some

met the parents of makadman
standing tall and proud
towering was Mr. Bhavin
the youngest of us all!
but shopping was our goal
so we left for madeley road
and found the beautiful attire
meenakshi couldnt wait to adorn
money was spent like watre
bank accounts under attack

and again it was time for food
where the bhajiya platter became the 'group'
names and comments flew
and with it all
it was timme to pay our dues
good times we had in plenty
but they had to end aas!
so towards the coach station
we started the dreaded wak
and waited to bid farewell
home beckoned at last

and we waited and waited
until we wanted to leave and fast!

the delay was over, we boarded the coach
with another meeting soon, in the future, we hoped
threatening to kidnap our deal elongated friend
but something's in life we just cannot bend
so we took the memories and left the laughter
hoping it comes follwing us, soon after!

Good vs evil

sometimes force is needed, and sometimes patience. sometimes weapons are needed and sometimes unconditional love. and yet, both hit the enemy with equal force. evil is like a gush of water, a flood which comes with such force, destroying everything in its path. nothing or no one can stand in its way, it is all powerful and fearless. but then, it goes, in it wake lies destruction and despiar. yet the power is over, and with enough hope life can be reconstruted.on the other hand, good is like drops from the ocean. as each drop tickles down people loose faith and patience, yet those who believe...stay. the believer is awarded when as drop by drop the water collects, its presence is felt.

words

Slowly the words unfold
A world unknown
And I fall a free fall
In the depths of it all
Trying to see all I can
Don’t know where I will land
To whose feelings will I relate?
Will my lament be about destiny or fate?
As I weave a web around my thoughts
Trying to capture all I’ve got
Round in round I go
Trying to see what is for show
No destination for me it seems
From nowhere the light suddenly beams
And I walk my path of solitude
With just my thoughts and my tune
No miracles do I encounter, no story do I have to tell
Just my past as my history, on its moments I dwell

And as I look back at the past
I don’t feel so lonely at last
Shadows of long forgotten walk with me
To what I am, to what I once wanted to be…
The hands I held, the love I felt
The touch which would make my heart melt
And suddenly there is a destination to reach
A place where trust was never breached
And the light beams strong and warm
And my path leads
To where I am safe from harm
In your embrace I melt
Home at last my heart felt
As I looked into your eyes
Untouched by the worlds deceits and lies
My past becomes my present and I sigh
My words led me to a place of love, and I fly high

Miss u

Once we sat together with time in hand unknown
but things change, as life has shown
now with being apart
moments have become memories of the past
while the distance keeps us afar
the love at least we know will last
and the joys of a hug we will cherish
stolen moments of togetherness we will relish
from a distance, our hearts will bond
everytime we hear each others favourite song
so miss me the way i do
because friendships like ours are few
and know that at every bend
i am waiting with an attentive ear to lend!

love

a single touch and a word of prayer
so much to feel, so many layers
and slowly i unpeel
raw, exposed, vulnerable, i feel

yet i know im safe, in your warmth i glow
with your hand in my hand, i have the world to show
and yet you walk a step to quick, or do i walk slow?
to the fate of our love, i have to bow...

and i smile a little smile, i sing for you too
i hold your hand in mine, and love you, i do
then i let go, with my heart willing you to come back
without you i have the body, the soul i lack...

and with you by my side, i hold my head high
after all you gave me the wings; but now, i have to fly...
and i look back for a last look
and think of what your heart took....

but you gaze at her, with a love so sweet
with my goal set, though the tears, i finally breathe...
and i fly with the others, with memories of the past
knowing that one day in your love i will bask....

Mom and her wisdom!

Parents. Amazing people who read your mind thus, making sure that even people like me are at times left speechless! :P

where did you come from baby dear?
out of the everywhere into here
where did you get those eyes so blue?
out of the sky as i came through
what makes the light in them sparkle and spin?
some of the starry spikes, left in
where did you get that little tear?
it was waiting for me when i got here
what makes your forehead so smooth and high?
a soft hand stroked it as i went by
what makes your cheek like a warm white rose?
I saw something better than anyone knows
whence that three cornered smile of bliss?
three angles gave me at once a kiss
where did you get this pearly ear?
God spoke, and it came out to hear
where did you get those arms and hands?
love made itself into hooks and bands
feet, where did you come from you darling things?
from the same box as the cherub's wings
how did they all just come to be you?
God thought of ME, and so i grew
But, how did you come to us, you dear?
God thought about you and so i am here!

Thanks mum. you are the best!

Friends

A great guy once wrote, '...its been a while since i woke up, but it seems as if i have just been to the end of the universe and back. somehow, something shifted and somewhere, something stirred. I guess I am hitting the wrong keys all over again....'

Dunno what he was trying to convey but i found myself relating to these feelings today. As i surfed through the internet I was confronted by my past, a past that i had thought i had left behind. Yet my heart broke once again and the pain was as it had been all those years ago. They say time heals but it seems to me that people hope, that with time you forget the hurt; or that something else comes along that hurts more than the last hurt did. Been down those roads a couple of time now, yet this pain was as fresh as it was before. And as i avoided dream, because this time my wish of finding dreams which i believe are reality waiting to happen, had happened and somewhere down the line it became a nightmare. they say you learn from your mistake but what do you do when you cant find the mistake in what everyone says is a mistake? who do you go to when the person who could turn your every tear into a smile is the reason for your tears? My life was shifting into flashbacks as the memories eroded the barriers i had taken so long to build. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, hereafter I will never doubt that notion.

so i lay there wondering where to go, who to go to, how to cope with another self inflicted painful situation and then hope came calling. My room was flooded with sunlight as my heart was flooded with love my friends brought with them. And I suddenly remembered I am not alone,
not in this situation, not in the circumstances and not in life. And as the day has ended, I await to dream a dream, because I know my world doesn't crumble that easily, it withstood the storm, it can withstand the thunder as well.

This is for you guys...Shay and Reena..for unknowingly making my day....

Friends are the angles that guide you through the fire
they stand by you as you burn through hurts pyre
they hold you close when in pieces you break
with them by your side you raise the stakes

when God throws a curve ball, they help you withstand
with all doors closing, your vision, they help you expand
and with their words of love you smile away the pain
guided by their belief you save yourself from going insane

love is a free fall, you loose all control
and when in your panic, you grasp for anything to hold...
remember a friend is there to catch
faith, God in his kingdom has dispatched...

fall a free fall today, break the barriers complete...
add to the love in the world, help hate deplete
and as you walk don't crush the pieces lying on the sand
another broken heart.... with faith in your heart, support the shaking hand...

Insomnia

Too many chick flicks and too much free time results in an overdose of analysis of a perfect life!

a little sigh escapes the lips
another tear slips
and on and on we go
looking for that one thing to show

the beauty of life around
love we surround...
and yet there is something amiss
something that holds us back from bliss

in perfection we dwell
with love our heart swells
tears tease the eyes
smiles conceal the sighs

what do we search when all is well?
why does it seem so much like hell
when the search in never ending and there is no goal in sight
when all is lost and no one understands the plight

i wonder what i search, i wonder what is left incomplete
i wonder where i wander, hope slowly depletes
and on and on we go
looking for something to show

and incomplete we leave
like this poem, with nothingness we bleed
and hope shines like gold glittering in the sky
with relief i look above, at the lonely darkness... and say goodbye...

Sisterhood

Family. A single word that evokes thousands of emotions. Can't live with them, can definitely not live without them.

This is a poem i wrote before i left India for my little cousins, who've now become young ladies.

letters written on sand
dreams of distant lands
places to go, stories to tell
raindrops to catch, and flowers to smell

songs to hum, and scenes to capture
tears to hide or rapture
things to do, words to sell
future to hope, past to dwell

moments to hold, when night are cold
smiles to flash and let tears roll
and when your heartaches, look for a friend..
who'll pick you up and help mend...

when the lights goes off, look for the candle
when all doors close, don't rush;
look for the handle

people will come, and people will go
life's boat mostly you alone have to row
late nights and long phone calls are cool
but family is the one that your heart should rule

and when the stars seem too far to reach
it's when God reminds you of all the promises you breached
walk the path that helps your goal
that's when you fulfill your God desired role

I may not know your little dreams
now will i always be there to console the streams
but i'll pray for you, every might i will...
the stars will become closer till..

my words are my ways of letting you know
its not easy for me to let you go
no promises do i make, which might break soon
no 'forever', no offer of the sun and the moon

just something to remind you of me
and that ill be thinking of you,
no matter where i'll be

take me where ever you want me to come
i'll wipe your tears and cheer in some
and when you grow up and reach my stage
when every path seems a part of life's maze

sit down and in your own way
tell all what you have to say
the moment is now, none is better
with all your heart, write on sand, a similar letter

lessons

As i sit alone i brush the dust that has settled. i unravel the boxes filed and stored of moments lived, memories left untold. A glimpse of what once was, of dreams i dreamt and goals i set. i remember a time when nothing was impossible, when confidence came in tons and dreams were reality waiting to happen. And somewhere down the line i slipped, i let life overtake my hopes, the goals became further away and the dreams became a distant memory. Every now and then i sit just like today and make a vow of what will be, i hold the moment in my hand and take charge knowing that things will be different from today. Then tomorrow comes, and more let downs; obstacles that i cannot cross, dreams that fall apart and tears that become a part of me.

Disillusioned? definitely not! Depressed? never! Unhappy? sometimes! Disheartened? can't be!

then what is it that makes us fall back and getting up suddenly becomes such a challenge?. what is it that makes us question our potential when as a child unaware of our hidden talents we know we can conquer the world? where did the security go? where did the promises go? when did the promises break?

I don't look for an answer, there is none as i have found. Just this point that brings an overwhelming sense of sorrow as you look around and question the very existence of questions. You want to go back to what once was, to become the person you wanted to be, to feel the happiness that flowed through you as now uncertainty sometimes seems to flow.

and the irony of the situation is that the only thing that can make these doubts go away is the same thing you needed even when you knew everything was yours. Its the touch of a loving hand, the comforting words of wisdom, and the security that when you fall there is someone behind you. Such a simple pleasure for such complex questions. and as you soak the love that they give, you dream another dream, you open another door where the last shut, you sigh with a sense of satisfaction, knowing that the ball is still rolling, the destination is yet to be found.

Bhavna

Friendship is a ship that never sinks. yet off and on we are left on the threshold of life alone..again. People come in our lives and leave footprints, some we wish we cud erase and some we wish we could preserve for the rest of our lives. And then sometimes you meet the one who makes you feel complete. She stands by you when you want to fall, she walks in when everyone walks out and she holds you close when your tears drench your soul.

Bhavna, this is for u, 5 years into forever...

Friends are the stars that shine at night
When darkness removes everything from sight
They give hope, they guide
They help you enjoy the ride

Some stay long, leaving a mark
Some hurt you, making the world go dark
But they are the ones with who you share your pain
They stand by you through thunder and rain

Like raindrops falling on a window, you meet
You keep rolling forward, there is no retreat
The pace is slow at times, sometimes you race
Everything else is cream while friends and family are the base

You meet some wrong and some rights
With whom you share dreams, tears and fights
But your heart searches for the one, who is so right
That they care, they share, you might….

My search ended when I found my friend
My problems she can always mend
She is rare, she is special, she is mine
With her as my friend, my eyes shine

I never thought it would happen to me
When I find the one person who lets me be
Who cares when I cry, who cries with me
Who makes me smile with glee

She touched my heart, she decided to stay
When I was so used to finding friends go astray
Tears rolled down then and they do now too
Because she loves me, as have few

But then we parted, in distance not in heart
I feel as lonely as I did at the start
I miss her I really do
But distance can’t affect a friendship so true

We’ll meet again, but we’ll have to wait
Then we’ll add to the half blank slate
Till then we do our best
So that we can pass God’s test

For all those who have a friend
Value them, don’t chase the fiend
You never know when time runs out on you
Don’t part without saying I love you too

words

how is it that once u start writing words just rush out. as if all barriers are broken and the words are spilling all over. they want to drown everything near and around. the waves are strong and the passion untamed. they have no purpose, no aim just this fire that burns and with it wants to engulf the world. is it because they finally have someone who cares, who doesn't judge them, doesn't control them, doesn't break the spirit that lives through them?. that one person to me is paper, its the one place where i can use words and know that it wont ask me to stop, its mind wont wander as i approach the climax of my grief or happiness, it wont turn away when i need comfort and it wont embrace me when i want space, its very existence is comforting. is it strange to think of paper as something other than what society tells us it is?. because for me its where magic happens, it helps me create a world where nothing and no one matters. its where i am at peace being alone for a change.

hope

why is it so easy to fall in love but so difficult to fall out of it?
how can a glance be enough indication for a heart to know this is the one, while the endless streams of words fall on deaf ears?
it makes you wonder what emotions can do. people fight so hard to hide what they feel, to pretend to be aloof, to distance themselves to everything they care about. They find a false security is knowing that no one really knows them. yet those who dare to be themselves, to care freely and completely are ridiculed.
its easy to fall in the trap and become like others. to loose what you had and give in to what others want you to have. at times where your individuality is questioned it feels as if piece by piece your heart chips away and in the end all thats left is debris of what once was. Thus, hope is a gift that one can give oneself at times like this. it gives one strength to hold their place on the storm, a thunderous storm of confusion, peer pressure and artificialness.


know not what you want to know
hear what i want you to know
sow the seeds that need to be sown
walk the path that needs to be shown

cry the tears that clean the soul
not the one which leave your heart with a hole
dance on the rhythm that life plays
sing to the tune that God made

hold the hands of those who dare
to be left out for you to care
embrace those shadowed with grief
spend a moment, no matter how brief

don't envy others and live in doubt
for, hatred and bitterness from this sprouts
remember not what they are today
because there are many things that they had to give away

remember the nights they lay alone
crying tears that they never told
the beliefs, the dreams that they left behind
you have to see the truth, those dreams are for you to find

love the world and it will love you
don't walk the path towards solitude
when you lie alone waiting for God to come
remember there are places to go and songs to hum

when the force behind your eyes threaten to spill
let it go, don' wait till...
there is always someone who cares for you
who is as scared to let you know, as you...

so wait for a while don't hurry past them
there are words left unsaid and wounds to mend
don't look for the rose, remember it has thorns too
it takes one to hate, but for love it takes two...

Conversations with God

the words in the poem is says all i feel!

In the silence i hear your words
Soft sighs and fluttering of birds
In the sky I see you shine
Wishing once again for all that which is not mine

But you stand there, content
No voids to fill do you attempt
tiny steps to each heart you take
their mistakes knowingly you let them make

And like a river we flow
Trying to impress, to show
But the path we forget behind
And that's when you step in to remind

Each tear we shed is new
For lessons we learn are few
In our rush to accomplish more
Our treasures we forget at the shore

And each day we pray to you
To keep us far away from being blue
In our happiness though we forget
For all our needs at that moment are met

To conquer you don't always need a rock
A pebble is as efficient to block
So we should value all that comes our way
Because nothing happens without your say

new beginnings!

Its been a while since i wrote but feel as if i need to get back to that one thing that has always helped me cope with anything life has thrown at me-words. When i came to the uk 2 years back it was a lonely and scary road that i needed to tread but like everything in life it was self inflicted. Yet if i had not come here i wont have become the person i find i have become today. I took refuge in poetry umpteenth times while i tried to find my way in this new life and on a particularly unhappy day decided things needed to change. More than anything my outlook needed to change. So i sat down like old times and wrote what i needed myself to hear,and over the months I've kept that poem as a reminder for myself that every cloud does indeed have a silver lining!

New beginnings!

ashes to ashes, dust to dust
another relationship rusts
silence screams the pain
tears flow free, but all in vain

sand in her hand, she holds
to let go, she moves ahead, and bolts
the stars witness her plight
the moon wonders if she actually might

but then the wind blows softer now
singing a song, telling her how...
she embraces the light morning brings
the sand blows away, she lets go of the sins

she steps back and knows
in life, happiness and sorrow, both flows
she looks at the footprint in the sand
and walks the same path, this time, with an empty hand

but she knows shes not alone
there are still stories left untold
things to see and behold
changes to accept and mold

a long awaited smile stretches a mile
shes been unhappy now for a while
but to new beginnings shes bows
no more who, when or hows

as she hears the stories of the birds
people walk past in herds
hurt and fear masked by their smiles
with unfulfilled dreams piled

her heart full of love she looks
trying to access what life took
but she knows now to count her blessings, not her loss
and never again will she be lost!